The Brilliant Ballad of Johnny Burgoyne

(Sung to whatever tune you like, however, if you pick a tune that does not lend itself to ballads, I cannot guarantee full satisfaction. Or you can just recite it, that works just as well)

There once was a man named Johnny Burgoyne
And with him the British hopes would conjoin.
He was a great dramatist, writer of plays
But discussing them must wait for later days:



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:BurgoyneByReynolds.jpg

Now Johnny lived in troubling times
The colonies accused the British of crimes
So the British got mad and fired some shots
Or was it the colonists, with sinister plots?
But figuring that out is merely chatter
It really and truly doesn't matter.
Back to the story, the countries were fightin'
And a brilliant plan, the British were writin'.
The key, they thought, was the Hudson Valley
Capturing it would end the rebel rally.
So Britain assembled three generals to deploy:
Generals Howe, St. Leger, and Johnny our boy.
Howe would advance from the region's south
Travelling up from the river's mouth;
From the west would St. Leger burst forth
Leaving Burgoyne to swoop in from the north.




http://www.nfbny.org/Chapter_News.htm (edited in Paint)

But one man the British failed to behold
Was the general named Benedict Arnold.
He had been defeated, that was for sure
But meanwhile he assembled a sneaky lure.
He knew that the Brits must go by the lake
And so Arnold waited, like a symbolic snake.
The name of the lake was Lake Champlain
And the acts of the British I cannot explain.
They needed the lake, that certainly showed
For in the great forest was nary a road.
But pause did the British, to construct a fleet
Before in battle would they compete.
Arnold's forces were meager and soon destroyed
But 'twas not in vain that they were deployed,
For fast approaching was winter's cold
So the British were forced to retreat, it was told.
If it wasn't for Arnold's tactics of stall
The Brits wouldn't have gone back to Montreal.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USS_Congress_%281776%29.jpg

Though seven thousand, Johnny's troops numbered
It is safe to say they were quite encumbered.
Part of the reason his men had much strife
Was that among them was many a soldier's wife.
And not only that, but between each battle
The men had to carry each item and chattel.
The forest of the north was certainly thick
And so at the ready were axe and pick;
Johnny's men cleared a path straight through the woods
And trailing behind them were extraneous goods.
Progress was slow, that much could be said
And Johnny knew not what lay ahead.
One thing upon which we will surely agree
Johnny would have moved faster, had he an RV.



http://www.guestfirstrvresorts.com/parks/high-sierra-yosemite-camping.html

There exists a climactic subplot now
And it all revolves around General Howe.
In case you've forgotten, Howe's crucial assignment
Was to meet up with Johnny in wondrous alignment.
But Howe concocted a plan of his own;
He wanted the capital overthrown.
The capital was known to the locals as Philly,
And in retrospect the general's plan looks silly,
For Howe spent the bulk of his time there in leisure,
All while Lord North experienced a seizure.
"What is he thinking?" North angrily asked,
"Why is he straying from what he was tasked?"
North screamed and cursed, basically shouted,
"That bloody fool's going to get us routed!"
Perhaps Ben Franklin summed it up best:
"The city captured Howe!" was his witty jest.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Independence_Hall.jpg

Johnny nearly reached Albany, a modest sized city,
And unfortunately for him, things weren't looking pretty.
Militiamen swarmed from the left and the right,
And they wouldn't leave Johnny without a good fight.
The British had embarked on a mission to plunder,
But now their endeavor looked much like a blunder.
The army was trapped, their mission had failed,
Americans all 'round, completely assailed.
The Brits could neither advance nor retreat,
And Johnny was soon to go down in defeat.
His adversary was Horatio Gates,
Who, for his command, ranks among the greats.
Johnny's entire brigade he had to surrender,
While the Americans proved a worthy contender,
Thanks to the Battle of Saratoga,
Johnny could not gain Ticonderoga.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Surrender_of_General_Burgoyne.jpg

Now before Saratoga, the colonial cause
Had come to a frightfully dangerous pause.
It is safe to say that their hopes were slipping,
But Saratoga proved to be quite fate-tipping.
The news of the vict'ry caused singing and dance,
And then the colonists recalled their friend France.
To make this appeal, the Congress chose Ben,
Who as you remember, was skilled among men.
Ben got down to business, he started persuadin',
And soon America, France would be aidin'.
Britain was powerful, for this they were famed,
But with France's help, they would quickly be tamed.
A couple of battles and a few years later,
America escaped their kingly dictator.
And as this yoke of taxation was lifted,
The balance of power had certainly shifted.
And while Johnny's actions proved a deadly gaffe,
I can't help but thank him on our country's behalf.
Now that it's told, this tale is adjourned
I just hope that something intriguing's been learned.




http://www.frenchforfun.com/francophone_community.html

(Random Note: Apparently some guy named Robert Sobel wrote a book about Burgoyne...but...he pretends that Burgoyne won the Battle of Saratoga, and proceeds to create an entire fictional history based on the obvious consequences. For instance, Britain remains more powerful, Thomas Jefferson ends up being hanged, and Mexico ends up as a world power, presumably because the United States does not exist to get in its way. Burgoyne, in the meantime, becomes the first governor of the new British North America. Pretty interesting stuff...my favorite part is that this guy writes the book as if it is actually a history textbook, like, he includes critiques from invented historians, and cites footnotes from phony books and articles. He also remembers to kindly thank all those fictional characters who helped him with the book. The name of the book is For Want of a Nail, and if you're curious, here's some more detailed information on the novel, courtesy of our good friend Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_Want_of_a_Nail_%28novel%29